Short Answer: I’m in the season of life that revolves around The Baby Who Can’t Be Put Down and The Never-Ending Doctor’s Appointments.
Cosmo does not self-entertain yet. He wants so badly to be able to experience the world, but at barely 4 months, there’s not much he can do on his own. So we have to be his entertainment. He wants to be carried around, upright, facing out, so he can see everything. I do have a carrier that he loves to be in if we go out for a walk, but not so much when we’re in the house – too restrictive, I guess.
Thankfully, he sleeps pretty well at night. During the day he hates to fall asleep because he might miss something. But if he does nod off while you’re carrying him, DON’T PUT HIM DOWN or it’s all over.
When I was pregnant, I couldn’t think much beyond one day at a time, and praying that he would be healthy. Now that we’ve moved onto actually raising him, it’s a new and unexpected level of amazing and exhausting. You’d think by the third child I would have a sense of how this goes, but it’s completely new and different. I think there are probably entire days when Steven and I don’t even speak except to communicate the necessities. We’re simply too tired for anything more.
But just look at that face. Those big blue eyes are a miracle and a mystery, and I can get lost in them for hours.
And then there’s the other new addition to the household, my dad. We are so thankful he’s here now. It’s not been easy adjusting to having an extra (adult) person with his own complex needs and wants living with us. (No more streaking from my bedroom to the laundry room to get my clothes out of the dryer.) But it was long past time for him to come up, and we’re much happier knowing he is now getting the little extra help and care that he needed.
I wish I could say he is much happier as well, but that probably wouldn’t be accurate. He has a remarkably good attitude about it all, but it’s difficult to lose your independence, even when you have your own space in a household full of family that loves you. He’s been on his own for a long time; nobody likes to lose that.
One thing that had been getting neglected was Dad’s medical care, so I’ve been slowly tackling that. We’ve been getting established with all the necessary doctors up here, but it’s kind of shocking how much effort, energy, and time it all takes.
And then there’s “the portal” – all the doctors want you to create a portal, which I realize is because they are short-staffed there is never anyone to answer the phone at their offices. I manage to fumble through it, but I can’t imagine how older people who are not tech savvy can do this on their own. Scheduling appointments, getting medical records transferred, filling out extensive forms, driving to and from…it’s inexplicably draining. We did the eye doctor the other day and it was nearly three hours from the time we arrived until we left.
So it seems this is life right now. Hold the baby, walk the baby, call the doctor, go to the doctor, wait at the doctor, walk the baby at the doctor, eat, sleep, repeat. Obviously there is much more that fills out my days – homeschooling and horses and chickens and cooking and cleaning – but it all gets worked in around the baby and the appointments.
I guess the main thing is that it’s all okay. There have certainly been times in my life when I’ve been more able to focus on things I enjoy, like my artwork or making healthy meals. But as my friend Casey says, life is like juggling. You can only keep a certain number of balls in the air at the same time, and you’re always dropping one or more. It’s just a matter of which ones are in the air and which ones you put down. Right now, the most important things are being attended to, and that’s good enough for me.