So What Happened Was…

How to begin this one?

It all started 20 something years ago, when I went to my cousin Nathan’s wedding in Bennington, Vermont. I remember rocking chairs on the front porch of the Park-McCullough Mansion, thick maple pancakes, a sense of history, and bright sunny skies. I always wanted to go back.

Fast forward to 3 years ago. My dad had recently moved in and I’d had my surprise baby, Cosmo, at age 42. Dad’s dementia care needs were increasing daily, Cosmo was proving to be an incredibly high maintenance individual, my post-partum hormones wouldn’t stabilize, and Steven and I were slowly losing our minds. We needed a vacation, but we realized that in 17 years of marriage, we had only taken working vacations where we visited old friends (usually horse people) and ended up teaching lessons and clinics. We needed a real vacation, one where we didn’t work, but in order to do that, we’d have to go somewhere we didn’t know anyone. Where could we go? And then – aha, Vermont! I always wanted to see it again, so why not? It was far enough away that we couldn’t race back quickly if something at home went awry; we would have to actually GO and BE THERE.

So we did finally go. It was October 1, 2023 and the leaves were the multi-colored gemstone wonder that you see in movies, postcards, and computer screensavers. The weather was perfect. People were kind, the coffee was fantastic, and you could go out to eat and get something vegan. Groceries and gas were cheaper, towns were close together and the roads were easy to navigate. Horses and hayfields were around every corner. We were impressed. Then, thanks to Facebook’s algorithm, I began to see that real estate values looked awfully good. We had been thinking about buying investment property here, but everything was too expensive. We quickly learned that it’s a 4-season rental market there (because skiing) and many people actually love winter (because skiing). So why not look for an investment property there? At the very least, it would be a fun distraction during a very stressful time of life.

In December, we closed on a fairly average older home with a big view, located in between 5 ski areas, and close to HITS, the big hunter/jumper horse show that lasts for 8 weeks every summer. An ideal rental. The house needed updates, which gave Steven and I a wonderful excuse to fly up for short weekend trips to “check on the work.” We discovered White Claw cranberry seltzers and a particular brand of smoked cheddar cheese (not vegan) that was basically life-changing. We remembered that we both have a sense of humor! We attended a backyard church service with our realtor and his family (now good friends). We met our neighbors and found our favorite deli. We started bringing the kids up with us. We explored the local Rec park with its community garden and disc golf course. We spent afternoons there watching kids arriving and leaving for baseball practice, soccer practice, and swim. Evelyn made friends with some girls hanging out at the swing set and Cosmo played trucks with other little boys in the sandbox, sometimes cooperatively and sometimes with screaming. In the winters, we took a few ski lessons, debated trying to ice skate on our frozen pond and decided against it, and figured out that the driveway was the best spot for sledding, except when you got up too much speed and catapulted out into the road and prayed no cars were coming.

Living here the last 15 years has been the fulfillment of a childhood dream. But I never imagined I’d do it with 3 kids that span the age range like mine do, or with an elderly parent who needs professional daily care, or while still trying to keep and train horses semi-professionally. That’s a lot to ask out of a little town that specializes in golf, waterfalls, and 4-star dining. And it’s a lot to ask out of me to try to meet all those needs in this little town.

I don’t have a nice, clean, inspirational way to end this post. Everything about the decision to move has been hard and messy. I’m grieving so many things: the loss of my still-living father; letting go of a home that we thought we’d live in forever in the town we never wanted to leave; and most of all, admitting that loving someplace so fiercely is not enough to make me able to stay.

I have faith that our next chapter will be good – better for us as a family. But I can’t get the images clear in my head of what it’s going to look like. I can’t even come up with what I hope it will look like. But I do hope that you, my friends and readers, will stay with me as we figure it out.